Random Thoughts I'd Like To Write Down

When my mom got remarried and moved out of our old house, she left it quasi-vacant for several months. Then one day seemingly out of the blue, I get this voicemail that she's moving everything out of the house, and if there's anything I want of my old stuff, I have until tomorrow to come get it or it will be put into storage/sold. Naturally, it's hard to find people to help haul out large bookcases, my piano and stuff on short notice, and I wasn't speaking to her at the time, so I just sort of bit the bullet, fumed at home, and let it all go. I have since come to regret this, because I lost a lot of CDs and furniture and stuff. A couple weeks ago I re-purchased the Return of the Jedi soundtrack off iTunes, and just re-bought Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence because I've had the Glass Prison song stuck in my head for a while, and it's album-only. It sucks having to re-buy things you already owned.

I had a dream the other night that I had to go work at Boston Market again, only this time instead of being a server, they made me work in the back steaming things because I was old enough and didn't have enough charisma to work up front. =\

Then last night I had this dream that for some reason I had to go live with my mom and the guy she married at "their" house. They were out somewhere, and I was really bored, so I started looking for a leash so I could take my cat on a walk (ha). While looking, I noticed on my computer screen that one of my WoW mods had popped up a window notifying me that someone had ordered a pizza. I was like "wow, I didn't even know I *had* that mod."

I need to get new tires, but it's going to cost at *least* $300, and I was hoping to maybe buy Nelson's laptop, but that $300 would make that hurt.

My grandma in duluth, they tell me, is not faring too well lately, and isn't expected to live very long. I wish that I had been nicer to her.

After running this morning, I weighed myself. You'd think after 7 weeks of running 4-5 days a week for 30-45 minutes I'd be making progress in the whole maybe losing a couple pounds area. But no, I haven't lost a single pound...until this morning. I'm down *one* pound. I'm still waiting to see if it's a fluke or not. I guess it would be some kind of progress...I spent 5 years gaining 15 pounds, if I lose a pound every two months that's at least faster than I seem to be gaining it. =\ I know I'm not fat or anything, I just don't want my tummy to look like a waterbed when I poke it. :(

Man, I forgot how much I like this song.

Today after work it was super nice and warm out, even though it was really humid. But it felt nice after being stuck in a freezer-like air conditioned office all day. So I got in my car, put the top down, got on highway 69 and just started driving north. Eventually, around Story City or so ("hey Tim, I accidentally drove past your house") I decided to turn around and take i-35 back. As soon as I got on the interstate, I looked up and there was this *enormous* dark storm cloud looming over Ames that I swear wasn't there before. I was like "I'm sure it's too far away for me to drive through," but I misjudged, because right before the 13th street exit it started *pouring* rain down on me and my car. I finally made it to the exit and pulled over to put the top up, but not before I had gotten soaked. I never felt so alive. XD

I really don't know where my life is going these days. I mean I keep going to work and trying to pay off my debt to end my indentured servitude and all, but I have absolutely no goals beyond "make it to the weekend to play wow, and maybe try to go on vacation or something sometime." It's like I just don't know what I want anymore, let alone how to pursue it. That's probably a problem. There's just *so* many possibilities in the world, I don't even know where to start thinking about it, so I never do. It just seems like the things I do vaguely, somehow want seem like they eternally conflict with the whole "have a steady full-time job" thing. But that's not really something I can help, unless I win the lottery or something. I mean I gotta eat and live somewhere, right? =|

Sometimes I feel like I need to just disappear and completely start over somewhere else, because I just made a mess out of everything and no matter how I hard I try, it's never going to change. Like I'm "successful" but I'm not *successful*.

I think I might want this shirt. :D

I wish I could be less of a melodramatic drama queen, but it doesn't seem to be something I can control. I also wish I had less...addictive...tendencies. They seem to plague me.

I took a really funny picture of Ken today, it made him laugh a lot, I'm glad I was able to do *something* remotely positive today. :)

Anyway, that's some stuff I thought about today. Maybe I think too much.